2012

There has been much speculation as to when the end times will occur. Popular theories in the past stated the years 1982 (Planet Alignment), 2000 (Y2K), and 2006 (6/6/06) would be the end of the world. Many people have outed themselves as impostors by bravely predicting these dates as the end times, only to be proven wrong when it does not occur, facing public shame for the rest of their (hopefully) short lives.

Therefore, we here at Wittianity want to help our fellow man by giving them a few pointers as to how to accurately predict the end of the world.

Really though, it all comes down to one simple plan.

Before we get to that, however, let us take a brief moment to view the situation objectively.

The human race has been distraught at the lack of foresight of future events. There have been numerous accounts of murder and crime due to the belief that the world is at its end. Once the upcoming 2012 comes and goes, another unsubstantiated date will arise to take its place, filling an uncertain void of impending doom that humans need. Still, that one too will pass. How would we go about accurately predicting the future then? The simple solution would be to gain foresight knowledge.

You may be asking yourself, "How does one gain this 'foresight knowledge?'"

The answer? To know the future, by creating the future. In Layman's Terms: End the world yourself.

In this way, you can produce an accurate date upon which the Earth will face its demise. This is also a good way to gain popularity from the media, ensuring that Earth's last days will be focused upon your glorious existence.

Creating a Blog

Hello and welcome to our humble abode. By abode we mean a blog. By a blog, we mean abloge.

Anyways, we wanted to give you some insight and clarification on creating a blog that will sell millions(book deal!)

Rule number 1(uno for our fellow Cubaniards*):

CAPS IS KEY!
NOTHING IS MORE APPEALING TO MODERN DAY HUMANS THAN LETTERS IN LARGE LETTERING. IT IS AGGRESSIVE AND SHOWS THAT YOU ARE NOT TO BE TAMPERED WITH BY OTHER BLOGGERS.

Rule number two:

Smileys!
Here are some of the essentials.
:) expresses happiness.
:( expresses sadness and/or depression
XD signifies a possible suicide or other joyful events.
:] allows others to realize that you are mildly happy, but certainly not as happy as :).
>:( Is commonly used while expressing what some would call "anger."
:'( Is what I do. Every day.

Rule number three:
Uninteresting topics. People honestly do not care about your emotions and deep spiritual thoughts. The average user is likely to post on something irrelevant, yet undeniably related to their day to day life. Make it the most mundane and average part of your life.
For example:
"Today, me and my girlfriend broke up while we where texting. Again."

So do everyone a favor and leave your deep thoughts and emotions at the door!


Using these skills will lead your blog to unimaginable glory! Have fun!


*Cubans who are unable to speak their native tongue.